Sunday, September 18, 2016

2 comments:

  1. Catherine O'NeillSeptember 19, 2016 at 9:42 PM

    Overall there needs to be more connections between sources as well as connections between subsections to show there is a clear argument and not that this is just describing anime and outlining the sources not the argument. Another thing to consider is justification of what you are talking about or why each thing you are including is important. First, I think you need to include something introducing your topic in the beginning instead of just jumping into media becoming a huge way in which cultural and social values are spread. In conclusion 2 section A part 1 subsection a you need to expand on why it is a phenomenon in the US more, place less stress on globalized phenomenon and more on success within the US since this is the area in which you are focusing. Also you need to address why the US. Why not Britain? With the section about anime not being truly unique to Japanese product, you need to justify why you are look at Japan and not the other countries you mention because the point of being created in China and Korea seems out of place. Moving onto conclusion 3, I like the history behind anime and the types of fan, but how do they connect? Also you mentioned a lot of different types of fans, are you going to chose one to focus on? In conclusion 4, as you said you need to include sources about American culture so you can compare Japanese and American culture. Conclusion 5 is pretty solid, but it needs more explicit connections throughout. Also, right now your argument seems a bit too broad. You need to cut down the scope by picking a specific genre of anime as well as making the research question less wordy. I think you have all the sources you need, except for sources outlining American culture. You just need to create more connections and justifications of your exploration. Good luck.

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  2. mrslyndsayhaagSeptember 22, 2016 at 10:04 AM

    I agree with Catherine wholeheartedly, that while you have good ideas and good evidence, the conversation and connections between them are unclear. You need to show how sources converse with each other to arrive at the larger conclusions in your outline. And I also agree that justifications are important. See my comments on the doc for more specific feedback.

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